Karen, Erik and Jack

(Look at me, I’m on time! Apologies if all my funny was used up in the last post)

This week in 24, I longed for the days of Auuuuudrey. She and her fabulous coat could snap that idiot Marilyn in half without thinking about it. That, or her dad could. Marilyn spends the episode floundering about like Olive Oyl while Jack actually gets shit done – finds Dad Bauer, saves his her son, etc. More on that in a minute.

Larry FLEINhart spends the episode pacing, then developing a bit of a mancrush on President Brother when he asks for Larry’s help in Assad’s speech. After helping, Larry decides to rat out Chad Lowe by calling the Secret Service. But before he can spill the beans, SYKE! ALL UP IN YOUR HEAD WITH A PIECE OF LEAD! Chad Lowe beats Larry FLEINhart, who tells him “There’s never any excuse for assasinating a President especially this one who could give me a kickass letter of recommendation !” Chad calls off Secret Service and skulks away. Side note: is no one in the bunker suspicious of all the time these two have spent in the boiler room/closet? If it were Seattle Grace, everyone could just assume they were boning. But they don’t have that luxury on this show.

Morris continues his parade of pity by acting all emo and taking it out on Chloe. Now, I don’t think Morris should be back at work. But since he went willingly, the least he could do is suck it up and be quiet. Instead, he snaps at Chloe, Miles, What’s Her Name (Cap’s Girlfriend, who did you know is a scientologist?) sneaks off and rinses his mouth out with whiskey and cries real tears. Then Chloe gives him what she may consider a verbal bitchslap, but longtime Chloe fans consider a mild tickle. LAME! Perhaps when Morris decides to give up his weeping vagina costume, I’ll go back to liking him.

Sister Palmer wasn’t in this episode! SCORE!

Jack Bauer spends the episode with Marilyn and her pratfalls. He threatens her life, then gets her to call Dad Bauer and make him meet her to give up the grandkid (what’s his name? Jack Jr?). They show up at the hotel, where Dad Bauer has a gun to Jack Jr’s head and threatens to make his will even SHORTER. Jack convinces him to trade Jack Jr. for him. Dad Bauer acts like he’s about to assassinate Jack, who gives a the standard “ALL I EVER WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO LOVE ME!” speech. Jack turns around – Dad Bauer gave him the slip! But he did leave a phone with Grizzly Adams’ phone number in it. Wait a sec, that’s no Grizzly Adams… THAT’S PRESIDENT LOGAN (is an idiot)! And he’s been waiting for Jack’s call! KICKASS!

(No picture tonight, dinner just arrived!)

(I’ve just been busy and tired, not necessarily in that order. Sorry, guys.)

Morris, I’m pretty sure you’re never going to be a negotiator. Or, a man (in my eyes) ever again. After being captured, he tries to convince McCarthy’s girlfriend to let him escape. Instead, she kills McCarthy and delivers him to Fayid. After a short but gruesome time being tortured, Morris gives up everything – how to arm the nuclear bombs, his ATM PIN, his mother’s address. Fayid is a nanosecond from killing Morris when Jack Bauer comes in and saves the day – and disarms the nuclear bomb left behind! When Morris tells Jack that he gave up the nuclear arming device, Jack is all, “Are you fucking kidding me? I was tortured for two years, got back TODAY, been used as a hostage and tortured, killed a colleague, survived a nuclear bomb, saved random dudes from a helicopter, tortured my brother TWICE, supposedly killed him and had to find you and ps YOU’RE WELCOME. And you don’t see me giving up (since the nuke went off).” Morris spends the next hour whining at CTU until Chloe shames some sense into him, and he gets back to work. I’m so disappointed in him!

Dr. Larry FLEINhart starts trying to remember the words to “Take This Job and Shove It” (he’d write his own song, but nothing rhymes with “colossal liberal mistake”) when Chad Lowe tells him to hold his horses. If FLEINhart stays in office, he might not have to work for Brother Palmer much longer anyway, wink wink, cough cough, shadow shadow. FLEINhart is aghast for 3 seconds and then decides he’s in. He gives Chad Lowe Brother Palmer’s itinerary, which shouldn’t be too full since he’s TRAPPED IN A BUNKER.

Speaking of Brother Palmer, he spent the episode writing a speech with NOT a Terrorist and getting pissy phone calls from Powers Booth. Nobody cares.

Jack is… well, not TERRIBLY upset that his brother is dead (seemingly because of him, thanks to crappy autopsy results). But Jack does tell Bill Buchanan that he wants to accept the consequences of his actions, instead of having Buchanan try to cover it up. Yeah, MORRIS, that’s how you deal with a problem, instead of being snippy with your girlfriend! Marilyn is not particularly upset at Jack either, so she gives him some random memory of this one time, there was this place and this guy and her husband was there? So Jack decides to take her out there to see if it can lead them to Gredenko (ps someone remind me what season he was in before).

On the way out there, Dad Bauer calls Marilyn and says, “Guess what? I totally killed your husband. I am the father in law FROM HELL and I will kill your son who happens to be with me if you do not lead Jack Bauer to this house where I planted a bomb!” And Marilyn… GOES ALONG WITH IT. IDIOT. She was stupid on Melrose Place, too. Marilyn ignores the infinite number of opportune moments to tell Jack the truth, and almost gets him killed from the explosion. Marilyn and Milo (yah, he was there too) run away from Dad Bauer’s evil henchmen. Milo can’t drive for shit, but he does a great job of blowing up their getaway vehicle and making a (probably shortlived) getaway.

I certainly did not want to be late with this post – hate to risk the wrath of Cap’s comments!

This week in 24 was… pretty good. Let’s get the boring out of the way:

Sister Palmer is at Bossfriend’s bedside, then calls President Brother to be all “BOO HOO the price of safety should never be the freedoms and rights of the citizens, BOO HOOOOOO” and President Brother agrees. He brings his cabinet together and Vice President Powers Boothe from at least 35% of every Lifetime Movie ever (and Sin City, so that helps) and tells them that he’s thinking of going along with Dr. Larry FLEINhart’s proposal… but not really. SYKE!

Karen Hayes leaves the underground bunker, but not before calling her husband to tell him she resigned, refusing to explain why, and then refusing his call. Perhaps her next job can be as a relationship counselor? She has so much to teach us!

Not boring:

McCarthy emails Fayid with the picture and resume (side note: I totally love how European people call it a CV. Am I the only one?) of the person who can trigger the rest of their nuclear bombs. While it takes CTU an hour to figure out who is in the picture, it takes the Garrett household all of a few seconds. OF COURSE it’s Morris. Of course, CTU figures it out 30 seconds after Morris leaves to attend to his sick brother (so he thinks). By the time CTU reach him, he’s totally captured by McCarthy! Personally, I blame Chloe, only because I’m disappointed in how not-as-bitchy she’s been this season.

Totally awesome:

Dad Bauer and Jack escape – after Dad Bauer shoots the guy that Jack wanted to question. I guess Jack doesn’t believe in foreshadowing, because they go back to Typo’s house to interrogate him. Jack tortures the crap out of of Typo (probably literally, this show is on Fox after all) but feels really bad about it. Until Typo tells him that GUESS WHAT he orchestrated the assassinations of David Palmer, Michelle & Soul Patch Tony! Jack’s head nearly explodes and he tries to kill him and every agent in the room, until Dad Bauer gives him a stern look that says “you are GROUNDED, mister!”

Dad Bauer gives Jack this sob story about hos Jack deserves a better family. Jack goes back to CTU while Dad Bauer visits Typo… and they reveal that they are both in on it and totally evil. But Dad Bauer is just a little bit more evil, and kills Typo.

(Give us a break, Cap, we’ve had a crappy week!)

This week in 24… I dunno, maybe because the last two episodes ended with such insane-in-the-brain endings, this one seemed a bit dull. Let’s start with the things I still don’t care about:

Dr. Larry FLEINhart, with the assistance of his man-secretary Chad Lowe, got Karen Hayes to tender her resignation to President Brother. FINE see if I care. Dr. Larry FLEINhart also started implenting his campaign to use the Bill of Rights as toilet paper, including racial profiling of Agent Nadia. Are we supposed to feel bad for her? Because I think she’s the mole.

Sister Palmer continues to annoy everyone at Camp Detainment-awana, and her Bossfriend blows his “undercover” operation and gets his face rearranged (I suppose during the arts and crafts portion? I don’t know what camp is like.)

We find out that BLUETOOTH BASTARD’s name is spelled Graem. How the hell do you name one child JACK and one child GRAEM? His name looks like a typo! It has obviously inflicted psychological damage on him (as did being suffocated with a plastic bag for over nine minutes), because Graem leads Jack to his dad – and double crosses them both! Dad Bauer (James Cromwell, who sports grandpa hair) and Jack are now Typo’s (it’s shorter than BLUETOOTH BASTARD and I am lazy) captives. I just don’t see this working well for Typo.

PS how cute is it to see Jack next to Dad Bauer? Keifer Sutherland is no less than a foot shorter than James Cromwell.