(Week 3 is coming up later… I promise I’ll catch up, ladies)
Wanna be on top? I wouldn’t want to be on top of these girls if I was a meatball and they were Ol’ Smokey. I don’t doubt that these girls are all covered with cheese, though.
The girls leave the comfort of the drag queen cruise and head into their new home. But this season, they have a MESSAGE. Jesus. They’re all about the GREEN, as in saving the earth. So their bus runs on bio-diesel, and their house has helpful signs around like “Limit your showers to under 10 minutes. Because no amount of water is going to wash ugly off.” Every other blogger has commented how their house has lights and whatnot running 24/7 and is about as eco-friendly as a Hummer, so I won’t add to that. But you know that Tyra’s vision of “going green” stopped when she demanded that all “Tyra Mail” be printed on green-colored paper. It’s probably full of artificial dyes that kill dolphins. And speaking of wide-faced mammals, Mila says “It’s really important just to be aware of what keeps our earth good.” I’m going to let that statement stand on it’s own, thanks.
The photo shoot this week is to document the horrible effects of smoking. Tyra thinks this is controversial, but… really? I think pretty much everyone now knows that smoking = bad news. Does she not know what the word controversial means? Of course not. She doesn’t know what “going green” means. She probably thinks it means gorging on all the green M&Ms.
The girls take one “glamorous” photo – note the use of sarcastic quotes – and one showing the “controversial” side effect. These include gingivitis, coughing up blood, facial tumors, losing hair from chemo, and having a stillborn baby. You just know the writers were really reaching for side effects. How about the real dangers of smoking – like being broke because smokes cost so damn much? Or having stinky fingers and lips? Or looking like an idiot because you’re trying to blow smoke rings and you end up making BJ face?
The only real drama here is that Lisa (stripper!) and Bianca ($25 weave!) get into a shouting match, and Lisa pulls out the tears when Bianca says that America’s Next Top Model wouldn’t be awarded to a stripper. Why not? Last year it was awarded to a pre-op scarecrow who talked like Charlie Brown’s teacher. I think a “bikini dancer” would be a step up. Also, Mila acts like the idiot she is.
Back at the house, these bitches are acting a fool! Heather tells the girls about her Asperger’s, and the girls are all “What’s that? It sounds WEIRD.” Then they talk amongst themselves about how Heather is WEIRD. And Kimberly (What’s her face?) gets the bitch edit by saying that she won’t try to be friends with Heather because “girls like that, they cling.”
!!!!!!!!!! These girls SUCK! Heather is wonderful and my favorite contestant and you girls are heifers! I’m so easily manipulated by the editing on this show. But seriously, you’d have to have a cold, dead heart to not feel for Heather. They sent her crying to her mom! The girls are making fun of her when she’s only about 10 feet away. I hope they get the clap. The editing also tries to make Victoria (horse-face!) look like a good person because she doesn’t approve of the bitchery and does not participate. But she didn’t actually speak up or defend Heather. So I’ll continue to throw horseshoes her way.
Next, the girls go shopping at Old Navy for some basic clothing to wear to the judging. Naturally, they ignore the advice Miss J (who is actually looking dapper, if not hungover, in his little day-sailing outfit) and the critique the judges give in EVERY PRIOR SEASON and go nuts for dumpy shirts, cheap necklaces and ill-fitting capris. And the judges rip them a new one for it.
At the judging, Tyra & Co. pretty much tell the girls that their outfits suck and their ugly. Especially Mila, whose photo makes her look like she’s mid-fart. Mila only farts rainbows! But she can ride that rainbow home, because she gets eliminated. This is wonderful – the person I hate gets kicked off the show. Just like Grey’s Anatomy!
Next week: Ghosts! Perhaps of bitches past?
Regarding the eco-friendly thing, I was reading spoilers [yes, I read spoilers for ANTM, shut up] from someone who worked on the show, and they said the bus constantly smelled like McDonald’s fries because of the bio-fuel it was using.
That must have been torture for those girls.
Delicious.
1. Mark won’t let me Tivo the show, so I’m living vicariously.
2. Green M&M’s are my favorite, too!
3. Many photographs make me look mid-fart, too, because I usually am.
Dana’s just making an excuse because she’s a girl and doesn’t know how to work the Tivo.
But I wouldn’t watch the show if my eyes were glued open and the only other thing to look at was… something really, really bad. So there.
But your recaps are read-worthy, to be sure.
Well thank you Fitz, I do it all for the comments. Sweet, delicious comments.
They’re like mana from heaven, aren’t they?
Post about changing your job. That’s a sure comment-getter.