Karen, Erik and Jack

You read that right… meat panties! And meat vests and necklaces and halter tops. No matter what else happened in this episode, remember… trust… MEAT PANTIES. You guys, when Tyra finds out you stole her 4 pm snack to make beefy britches for the bitches, she is going to be PISSED.

The girls have to do runway practice in a firehouse in front of the firemen. NOT ONE of the girls succeed in giving a a fireman some wood. Except Miss Jay – I saw that fireman on the left give the long and lusty eye. Careful, fireman – Miss Jay will give you the kind of burn that can only be fixed with a hydrant full of Valtrex.

Then, the girls get to do a runway show for Tuleh – and JASLENE and her deaf girl voice is there! Dominique is all, “I never thought of putting my testicles in my chin like she does… what a concept!” What’s her face, Katzatxtavavawhatever, she rocks it. Kazhavzozosof for the win! Whitney walks out with her real-size boobsicle hanging out, and Fatima is too horrified by the memory of weave-pain to correctly button her sweater. Amis is an idiot and can’t walk correctly – as usual. But Lauren “the weirdo punk” is flat out horrible, because she’s too petrified. Jaslene asks her afterwards, DOO JZOUU WUNT TO BEEE HEEEEREJ? ID DUZZJ NAT SEEEM LIK JZOUU WUNT TO BEEE HEEEERJ. And Lauren is crushed. Blah blah. Best part of this segment – the bitchy looks Miss Jay gives the girls when they are on the runway. The Amanda Woodward in me rejoices.

And! Then! The girls go to the meat packing district, which NATURALLY means the girls have to wear meat. Get it? Me either.  The girls are all ewwwwwww meat, it’s cold and thick and slippery AND MY MIND IS OVERLOADED WITH THE MEAT JOKES. Especially when Mr. Jay is there looking like he just got off his shift at the Ice Capades. MEAT MEAT MEAT. Only a picture will do it justice.

DID I NOT TELL YOU THERE WERE MEAT PANTIES? I CAN NOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH! I can think of no less than 6 ways to take jokes from here. But I let meat panties speak for themselves. Side note: Keep an ear out for my new progressive metal band, ‘Meat Panties”. We do bar mitzvahs!

Back at the house, well everything after meat panties is a let down. Amis is a lazy sod, Tyra sings to everyone and reminds us why her album never took off, the judges incorrectly think Kzkzkzkzkzk looks slutty, and Fatima cries. But it’s Amis who gets kicked off, and not a moment too soon. Get off my screen, meat crotch! Sorry, Dominique, I wasn’t talking to you. Yet.

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