Karen, Erik and Jack

MAN I thought I’d never be typing that one again. Thanks a lot, writers strike.

Before we start this season of 24, we have to review the 24: Redemption movie that aired in November. This “movie” was also done in real time, but only had about 10-15 minutes of awesome in it. So this is as short of a recap as I can do for a two hour movie.

Jack Bauer ended up in a fake (but troubled!) town in Africa, at some school run by that dude in Trainspotting. When the guy who played Billy in Ally McBeal comes by to serve him a federal subpoena from the US, Jack refuses it and decides to skip town. Before he can, the school is raided by militant guerilla groups looking to take the boys to make them soldiers and take over the government. Jack stops that by shooting a bunch of them, dodging a rocket-propelled-grenade and breaking a dude’s neck WITH THE BACK OF HIS KNEE. Now they must get to the US Embassy immediately as President-for-a-couple-more-hours Powers Boothe is ordering US evacuation of the fake town before the guerilla group can do a coup d’etat. This does not sit well with Ms. About-To-Be-President.

Meanwhile, Ms. About-To-Be-President’s son has some friend who works at a company that, along with Jon Voight, is secretly helping to fund the guerilla group. The son’s friend found out this, and was tortured and probably killed. Meanwhile, Jon Voight’s buddies/conspiracy extend at least into the Secret Service agent protecting Ms. About-To-Be-President’s son.Side note: Jon Voight will never reconcile with Angelina as long as he takes roles where he funds the warfare and exploitation of little boys from a generic African country.

Jack gets the kids to the embassy, missing Robert Carlyle because he accidently stepped on a mine and sacrificed himself heroically in order to blow up some of the dudes in the guerilla group and be a badass. But who is the bouncer at the embassy? Billy from Ally McBeal (note: what should his name be? Leave ideas in the comments, please). Billy from Ally McBeal says “OH SNAP, You can only let these kids get on if you surrender yourself for the federal subpoena. And I get credit for arresting you. And we tell all my buddies that I beat you up until you cried” or whatever. Point is, he takes too much satisfaction in it. But Jack is a HERO and agrees to it.

Tonight; Jack’s coming back to America, there’s an annoying kid on the chopper with him the first female US President has been sworn-in, her son seems like kind of a douche, Peter MacNichol (another Ally McBeal alum) is still working in the White House (at least he was for Powers Boothe during his last 5 seconds of crappy administration). We have not seen Soulpatch Tony yet, but I am confident that Jack Bauer will cut his head off quickly as that is the only way to kill a zombie.

YOU GUYS, I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!! Are you, or has everyone grown bored/apathetic with 24 and the recaps?

Tags: 24, jack bauer, recap, television

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