Karen, Erik and Jack

Let’s just do a big update to catch up on the last 3 episodes, shall we?

Dubaku had to cancel plans with his girlfriend, saying “Sorry baby, I’m holding the President’s husband as a hostage to force the President to stop invading my country to overthrow my mercinary regime HELD UP AT WORK.” Girlfriend’s sister says “something’s not right about him! He’s bad news!” and she confronts Dubaku to tell him “If I weren’t tragically in this wheelchair, I would beat your shifty ass, so leave my sister alone!”

Matobo is delivered safely to the White House, where he tells President Taylor that she can totally trust the people who saved him – a man under investigation for torture WHO WON’T YELL DAMNIT LIKE I NEED HIM TO, a gentleman who looks like Doogie Howser’s grandpa, a zombie, and a potato face/stay at home mom. Oh and some whiny agent named Not Karen. But since the President doesn’t know who she can trust in her now compromised regime, it’s better than nothing. Jack and Not Karen go to save the President’s husband. First they need to go kill the floppy-haired Secret Service dude and pretend to kill his baby. Not Karen is going to be all angst-y about this for the new few episodes. NO ONE ASKED YOU TO BE HERE, NOT KAREN. Suck it up, buttercup! Anyway, they go to rescue President’s husband from Dubaku’s men. There’s a shootout, Dubaku escapes, all of the men are dead, President’s husband gets shot OH NOES. End of episode, tick tock tick tock.

President’s husband goes to the hospital where he will be in surgery for a few hours. President Taylor goes to the hospital for a bit, and makes Bill/Doogie Sr. her new head of security or whatever. She asks him to have her estranged daughter brought to her, by “someone Bill can trust.” That man is AARON PIERCE, HECK YAH!!! What’s up, Red Delicious?

Dubaku asks his girlfriend to leave the country with him, telling her he has to leave because “oh, my visa expired, INS is on the way!” She agrees and goes home to pack, and BAM Jack and Not Karen bust in. They confront her about who Dubaku really is and tell her all about the magical mythical country of Sangala. She agrees to put a tracking device on her phone and go meet Dubaku so that Jack and Not Karen can capture him. Girlfriend’s sister tells Not Karen “PLEASE TAKE CARE OF MY SISTER” which means she’s totally gonna die.

Jack and Not Karen get the help of Chloe (working at FBI now – so good to see her working at a desk and not in some random cave. Within 30 seconds of arrival, she gives Janeane the stink-eye and insults Moss. WELCOME HOME POTATO FACE!) to track Girlfriend. But they get stopped on the way because the mole in the FBI (who of course turned out to be that creepy dude who pretended to be Moss in order to land his wife’s plane, and the blonde chick he is having an affair with) issues federal warrants to arrest Jack and Not Karen. Also: Janeane calls Creepy Dude a little bitch, awesomely. That’s his name from now on.  Tick tock, tick tock.

Dubaku gets tipped off about his girlfriend from some suit dude who is working in the government and helping Dubaku escape. When his girlfriend arrives, Dubaku confronts her, smashes her phone and tells her “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.” Also, he wants her to come with him still. Girlfriend, believing Jack and Not Karen and hot on the trail, agrees.

Jack and Not Karen are finally released from police custody when Moss tells the cops that the federal warrants was a fake. Chloe uses traffic cameras to track Girlfriend, and they follow her. But Girlfriend grabs the wheel from Dubaku and the car crashes. WELL, THAT WAS STUPID. Dubaku, nearly dead, tells Jack that he has evidence ON HIM, but Jack Bauer hears “IN HIM” and naturally forces an EMT to slice him open and retrieve a memory card from his rib cage. Girlfriend is dead, and Not Karen feels super bad about it. At the hospital, Girlfriend’s sister tells Not Karen “YOU SUCK AT PROTECTING MY SISTER!” Not Karen agrees and suddenly pulls out this giant guilt trip on Jack, like SHE wasn’t sticking a gun in some dude’s wound tract a few hours ago under her own accord.

With the memory card at the FBI, Little Bitch and Blondie realize that their names are on that card, and they need to stop Chloe and Moss from reading it. The solution? Crash the entire FBI computer system. As soon as they do that, Little Bitch shoots Blondie, then himself (in the arm), and tells Moss and Chloe that he stopped her and she was the ONLY mole in the room. Too bad for him that Chloe is awesome and retrieves the data, and Little Bitch is arrested.

Bill tells President Taylor that “It’s over!” and everything was a success and PS please pardon Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer is reflecting on the day when Zombie Tony comes up to him and tells him “The show is not called ‘11′”. There’s totally going to be another high profile attack in DC, this time from Dubaku’s boss, General Juma. It’s CANDYMAN, BITCHES! He’s in DC because someone looked in the mirror and said his name five times.

The suit that Dubaku was talking to earlier is revealed to be the aide to the Senator who was in charge of the hearing that Jack Bauer was at this morning. It’s time for them to go to the White House! The suit looks really worried, so either he thinks the President herself will arrest him, or the White House is the next target. Tick tock, tick tock.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 27th, 2009 at 4:33 am and is filed under 24. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.