Archive for the ‘Stanley’ Category

Damn Dog

Sunday, November 2nd, 2008

I should start a new category of posts called, “How I Know Our Dog is an Asshole.” Because sometimes, he really is. And sometimes he’s a sweet and loving puppy. Sometimes.

Things the damn dog has eaten (other than his regular meals) in the past couple of weeks:

- 15-20 lbs of dog food (resulted in: call to the emergency vet)

- over 50 tablets of Deter, a medicine to prevent dogs from eating their own poop (resulted in: call to the emergency vet, him eating his poop three days later)

- 5 month supply of heartworm medication (another call to the emergency vet)

- the water bill

- new issue of Real Simple

- spiral bound wall calendar

- paycheck stub

- thank you note from the neighbor

- end of power cord to Bernie MacBook (by far the most expensive thing on the list)

This is usually what greets me when I get home:

On the plus side, he does a mean Sarah Palin impression:

Stanley is just over 5 months old, so we have a long way to go before he’s out of his puppy phase. However, we are very close to his de-balling. It’s scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving, so you know what I’ll be thankful for.

To see how much he has grown in the 3 months we have had him, here’s a compare and contrast.

8 weeks – cute, innocent, sweet little puppy. Contender for the title of Internet’s Cutest Puppy.

5 months – farting, biting, destructive puppy. Contender for the title of “#1 Cause of Why Karen Had A Stroke”.

I know I complain and get upset at him a lot. but really? I love that little shit. And I’m not the only one.

Becky, don’t read this.

Thursday, August 14th, 2008

Seriously. If anyone is at all squeamish, especially regarding the bodily outputs (and inputs) of a dog, you do NOT WANT TO READ THIS. Just skip to the bottom of the post.

OK?

It’s for the best. I don’t even want to read this. Yet, here I am writing it.

Is everyone gone?

OK. Last night, our dog did the most disgusting thing known to mankind. Stanley woke us up around 1:30 am to be let out. This was a bit odd since he usually makes it until 5:30 am. When Erik took him outside, Stanley dropped a big ol’ turd and promptly ate it before Erik could stop him. Unfortunately, that is not uncommon for Stanley, who can often be seen with an actual shit-eating grin.

After being scolded and taken back to his crate, we started to go back to sleep. UNTIL. UNTIL!!! We hear retching noises. Then licking noises.

Yes. our dog barfed up the poo he ate, then proceeded to re-eat it.

We both jumped out of bed and sprung into action – Erik handling the shit-eater, and me washing his poopy-barfy pillow. It smelled SO BAD.

Let’s recap the evening’s events of Stanley, FORMERLY known as the World’s Cutest Dog:
1) Poop.
2) Eat poop.
3) Barf up poop.
4) Eat barfed up poop.
5) Watch as his mom has an anger stroke.

BAD DOG

OK, time to bring everyone back now.

……

BECKY! You read it, didn’t you? I told you not to! I’m sorry. Here’s something to make you and everyone feel better, courtesy of Dad Gone Mad.